When will this ever stop?

I'm not sure when this started.. but I've just been too depressed to the point that I feel that I wish I could just, not wake up and face it anymore.

When will life ever be right? When will my future ever be right? When will I ever fight for myself and do things my way. I hate disappointing them, but I need to do this for myself too. I do not want to end up all alone and not able to buy what I want or whatever.

Most of the people I know are happy. Not all the time, but most of the time. The only time I'm sincerely happy is when I watch my shows and when I'm out with Telai, who practically knows what's stored inside of me.

When will I be able to smile and actually say, I'm alright?............